Snowed in on hump day. We started the day shoveling with strangers. Another thing I tell my clients, especially this time of year, is not to start their day with strenuous activity if they aren't warmed up. Well, when we noticed our 90 year-old neighbor trying to make a path in her driveway to her mailbox, we had no choice but to help. There's nothing heroic or special about that. We'd be dicks if we didn't. Anyway, it turns out her niece was stuck in the road a few driveways down. So, then that. I'll admit I didn't spend much time with the niece. There were others helping her and I had to watch my back. Actually, literally.
After that, I cooked some eggs in my Instant Pot! It was helpful for cooking multiple eggs at once, as well as for peeling. In the Instant Pot, the eggs steam as opposed to being submerged and boiled. They came out evenly cooked and pretty perfect too. End of egg story.
I used my extra time at home today to continue tidying up the living room. Kelsey made stew and dough for homemade pizza. We were productive today. It was around 7:30 when I opened up a bottle of red. You read that right. Hey, I'm not here to lie to you. I hope to motivate, encourage, and inspire, but I'm not going to do any of that if I'm not honest. And, no, this is does not mean I am no longer trying to break booze. I'm already becoming more mindful and intentional. I realize where and when the desire kicked in. I was bored. We were snowed in. We had already done our chores for the day. We had the bottle of wine and were about to have homemade pizza. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. I could go on and on with excuses. The truth is, I wanted to have wine with my lady. I'm fortunate to be able to have the control to make those decisions. I'm not, at this point, addicted to alcohol, so to indulge was not the end of the world. It didn't hurt anyone and nor did I. We just had some wine with our pizza. The fact that I don't feel bad about this, is kind of huge. I've been cursed with this guilty conscience since for as long as I can remember. Always feeling like the world rested on my shoulders - that the happiness of those I loved relied upon me. "If it's not perfect, why bother?" I've realized that not everything has to be perfect. In fact, not everything should be. I could have been a lot less hard on myself and others growing up. I could have been less competitive and more caring. I try not to fuss with regret, but to at least recognize and acknowledge and remember. It makes me better, more humble and compassionate. Anyway, there you have it. This is me on my journey. Not everything is black and white. There will be more times when I choose to have a drink. I have a 91 year-old friend whom I greatly enjoy drinking wine with from time to time. I won't miss a chance to wine and dine with her.
Again, because I have that control. This is not to say that if I didn't, I should. That's another story. Maybe yours? Probably someone's who you love. But not mine. Not now. So, don't you feel bad that I did it, because I don't.
Moving on to day 5, where I intend to begin again. Peace and love.
-Steph
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