Oh, hi. Still here. Nice to know you are too. What have I been up to? I bet you really want to know if I've been drinking or not, so I can just skip to that. I don't intend for this to be an edge-of-your-seat type blog. Is that a thing? Can you tell I'm stalling? In the time since I last wrote, I have drank alcohol - liquor in fact. One gin and tonic here and a hot toddy there. Or vice versa. I had a gin and tonic after work one night, and a hot toddy later at home. We have fresh lemons, so last night Kelsey and I each had one whisky sour. It sounds like I haven't been sticking to my goal of breaking booze, but if you've been following along, you'd know that's still less than we had been drinking before all of this. A little background: the restaurant I work for serves Fever Tree Tonic with each drink mixed with tonic. Ideally, this tiny bottle of tasty tonic will last you two gin drinks. In my mind and many of my colleagues, I imagine, if I'm going to have one, it only makes sense to have another. We are servers and cooks - we're not made of money. I don't think there was one time over the years since we started carrying Fever Tree, that I just had one gin and tonic there at the bar. The past two times I decided to have a gin and tonic after work, however, I did have just one. I paid for the tonic and left it for a friend. Both times. That's two for two since I started this. The idea of consuming something just so we don't waste our money - and mind you, when you break it down it's not that much we're talking about with half a bottle of tonic, no matter how delicious - anyway, it's absurd to live life that way. That's why a lot of us are overweight - well part of it. We paid for that, so we have to eat it! If you live by this rule and you are a frequent restaurant patron, you're in big trouble. Have you seen the portion sizes? No doubt obesity is on the rise, including childhood obesity. This is all for another day.
The point is, we are being more mindful with our drinking. Yes, the idea initially was to break booze - to cut it out completely. I am not in a place in my life, however, where I need to do that. I can control it. I don't take it too far. I don't miss work because of it, or hurt the ones I love to do it. I realize that alcohol can be a part of my life, but I would like for it to be a smaller part, so I'm working toward that. I'm already healthier for it and I feel happier even. As a person far from perfect, I forget shit all the time though. If I wasn't blogging - if I wasn't practicing this awareness, I might forget one day. And then another day goes by where I don't think about it, and then another. Before you know it, I'm drinking two gin and tonics a few days out of the week and feeling like crap, before realizing I have to get myself in check again. But no, not this time, and not with this. I won't do that. I'm what you say, woke now.
A few years ago, during one of my limitless attempts at bettering myself and becoming healthier, I read The Health Guide, by Mahatma Gandhi. Who, by the way, was a total fucking creep too. I'm struggling with Michael Jackson right now. I really am. I defended him for years, and I blasted his music every chance I got. Those poor kids. Did you know that about Gandhi though? Not only was he reported to be anti-black, but he was also a misogynist and sexual predator. Son of a bitch. With that in mind, I now take his words with a grain of salt. He was an extremist, no doubt. A lot of his methods to finding enlightenment were silly to me. He did say some interesting things about alcohol, though, and liquor specifically. I won't quote him, because fuck him, but basically alcohol makes a person forget who they are, makes them useless as long as the effects last, and causes them to lose decency. Liquor is noted as being an invention of the devil. They say in Islam, that when Satan wanted to enchant women and men, he would dangle before them, the 'red water.' I have considered this many times over the years. For awhile, I cut out liquor and only drank beer. That was just what I needed to get back that belly fat I'd lost long ago. Still working on that one, by the way. It is indeed harder to lose weight as you get older, no matter who you are and how good of a Personal Trainer you are. Each day, I do something to get closer to my goal though and it's working. Woot woot don't want to jinx it. Beer bloats me, this I know. Wine though! Red wine has resveratrol in it and resveratrol is heart healthy! But that sugar though. This is where that idea of moderation comes in. Because I believe I have the ability to control my drinking and not let it become a habit again, I can do that. I cannot stress enough, though, that if you or someone you love cannot control alcohol - if you're scared or they're scared and it has to stop - DO NOT WAIT TO GET HELP. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for resources available to you in your area. And I've said this before, but I will say it again and again, that if it's someone you love who has the problem, know that you are only able to do so much. You may need to get yourself out of the situation to get clarity and strength. Don't get dragged down too. Thank you for reading! Peace and love.
-Steph
I 100% believe those men.